A Tori Mentality

Mentally this journey can take a toll on a person. There is a lot of uncertainty and learning that is involved. Everyone copes differently, yes I did not lose something physically but I lost control of what happens to my body. It’s something you have to learn along the way. You can control what you do to better yourself for the best results in the situation you are in. I can’t undo what’s been done, it is also not my fault. The situation doesn’t have an explanation as to why it happened or how but we know how to fix it. Transplant is my option, it may not had been what I wanted but it’s what I need. Just because you are okay with the situation and understand it, doesn’t mean you won’t have days you’re sad. There are days I wish I could go back in time. There are days I think about the last time I was truly and genuinely happy, the time I always land on was my honeymoon. Paul and I didn’t get that honeymoon phase after our wedding, we got a week of our vacation and that was it. There are days where I feel bad for all the weight Paul has to carry to keep us afloat. There are days when I look at my dog and think if I didn’t have him to keep me company I’d lose my mind. All and all, we have off days and that’s okay. You can grieve the lifestyle you lost and the way things use to be. Grieving allows you to make room for the healing process. I am in my mental healing phase and it’s not perfect but I know I’m getting there. In September it will be a year since I left my job, I had to put my health first and foremost. I lost the independent part in me but I will get her back soon and I’m okay with that. The thing is, they don’t tell you how much this process is going to take a part of you when this happens. They tell you about the process to get on the list, the wait and then the recovery. There is so much more to it and it’s something people go through every day. The key piece of advice for anyone in any situation where you feel like it can’t get any worse, remember those who have less. Be thankful for what you have, remember your worst may be what someone sees as their best. Think of those who can’t find their sunshine, glow a little brighter so you can share your light with them. Our light is powered by love, keep your heart full and allow others in. Share your love, be willing to open your heart and mind to both listen and receive love and most importantly give love!